If that’s your shadow in my cave,
I wonder where are you?
Some caves are darker than the night.
Minds get darker, too.
My mind rehearses uselessly
The past, since now you’ve gone.
Those shadows flicker right and left
While day keeps moving on.
Written for dVerse Quadrille #17 from a prompt by whimsygizmo, photo by Frank Hubeny.
How lovely, Frank. 44 words, and awesome use of rhyme. Not easy to do!
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Thanks, whimsygizmo! Being limited to 44 words is about right for an 8 line metrical poem. It does have an effect on the choice of words.
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I love the rhythm of this, which reminds me of the Stevenson poem. I agree with De, awesome rhyming quadrille!
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Thank you, kim881!
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Rhyming add such a good touch… caves are darker than the night.
Minds get darker, too…. absolutely!!
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Minds can get dark even during the daytime. Thanks, thotpurge!
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That I agree…
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Such splendid rhythm – like a mournful ballad sung at night.
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Thanks, Björn. I like using meter given the opportunity.
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Me too
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The darkness in the cave…brought to mind Plato and the darkness that comes with an illusory life. Well done with the rhyme and meter!
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I was thinking about Plato’s cave as well. There must have been some light in Plato’s cave for a shadow to appear. Thanks, Victoria!
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Nice to have a rhythm and rhyme, makes it flow so well, and seem simple, even though it has hidden depths.
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Thanks, sarahsouthwest! I was aiming for something simple but hopefully not sentimental.
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Pathos lurking just about everywhere in the shadows.
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The shadowy parts are good places for pathos. Thanks, petrujviljoen!
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This has the pace of a walking mantra, the shadows following close behind on the path.
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I hadn’t thought of it as a walking mantra, but I suspect short poems such as this could be used as such. I generally recite mantras to keep my mind off of the nonsense (or shadows) that clutter it. Thanks, Brian!
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Yes, those thoughts, they do plague us after the fact. Lovely work.
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Thanks, freyathewriter! We sometimes live too much in the past.
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Indeed we do…
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Well done with the rhyming…not so easy to do with these short quadrilles. And so true how our minds can place us right in the past to mull over all we’ve been through.
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Thanks, Bodhirose! The past can be distracting.
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Beautifully poignant.
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Thank you, Sanaa!
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I agree with Whimsy. Very nice piece. Tight. Good rhyming.
And reflective of all our experiences with losses and obsessions.
Randy
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Thanks, Randy!
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Those shadows of the past never seem to be too far away…
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Thanks, Mish! We probably need them to guide us going forward.
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a poignant poem! love these lines:
“Some caves are darker than the night.
Minds get darker, too.”
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Thanks, rosemawrites! I liked those lines the best as well.
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yay! you’re welcome!
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“Those shadows flicker right and left
While day keeps moving on.”
~A very reflective piece. 🙂
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Thanks, Maria! I was trying to make it look as if the day were walking away, left foot then right foot.
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Such a lovely cadence to your words ~ And nice to meet you at D’verse Frank ~
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Thank you, Grace! I can get lost in meter.
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Such a strong write! I could see this as a lament about Alzheimers (minds get dark too) or mourning someone’s death.
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It could be Alzheimers although I wasn’t specifically thinking of that. I was thinking more about a death or a separation, but the mind can get dark easily. Thanks, Bryan!
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A very poignant poem and I love the rhythm you have created.
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Thank you, whippetwisdom!
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How clever you are to even manage rhyme and meter!
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Thanks, Misky! I like to put in the rhyme and meter if I can make it work.
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Very nice rhyme and flow and subject matter. You did this prompt justice Frank.
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Thank you, mother wintermoon!
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(:..Rich Shadows
itch of memories
long gone past..
past gone long
memories of itch
Shadows Rich..:)
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Nice comment, katiemiafrederick! I liked how it unwound itself and came back to the beginning. 🙂
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Enjoyed your
Poem..
Thanks
My FriEnd..:)
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This is excellent poetry.
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Thanks, Shawna!
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Beautifully written and evoked. (And oh, haven’t we all been there!)
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Thank you, Rosemary! I think we have all been there.
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This is so sad. Such depth.
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Thanks, Linda!
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