Full Moon Sunset

The Moon is fully round and shot with light.
That Sun has straight up hammered her tonight.
Her beams stir on the rocks to drown our sorrow,
Some tipsy proof from darkness comes tomorrow.

Written for dVerse Poetics: Muse Mixology hosted by de jackson (aka WhimsyGizmo) and using words associated with a bar scene but without the bar context. I’ve italicized the words I used from the list.

Author: Frank Hubeny

I enjoy walking, poetry and short prose as well as taking pictures with my phone.

32 thoughts on “Full Moon Sunset”

    1. Thank you. I keep revising a poem as if it were advertising copy for a new product. It has to sound natural and make sense on first reading. The rhyme and meter are also ways to keep readers focused on the poem. It is like hypnotizing them. I don’t always succeed at that. Your comment suggests to me that it might have worked this time.

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    1. Yes, less is more. One of the constraints was to use only 33 words. I don’t think that constraint applied if I were using words from the list, but I like word count constraints and so I used it loosely here anyway. The poem has only 34 words which I thought was close enough. Thanks!

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    1. The Sun and Moon are in a supportive relationship through gravity. I was wondering about using “hammered” in the context of the Sun radiating the Moon. It goes against a sentimental view of these two celestial objects as partners. It has too much violence associated with it. Life on Earth would not survive that radiation without a magnetosphere to soften it, or so I understand.

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    1. Thank you! I like the sound of metrical poetry. Even though I think of it in terms of hypnotizing the reader with all that rhyme and rhythm–and this seems a bit manipulative–I want to be hypnotized as well when I read it just the way I am with a good movie.

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  7. Like you, I felt the 33 parameter only applied when not using the bar terms, but unlike you I droned on into a full Haiban, with haiku. You do have a deft touch with rhyme, sir.

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    1. Thank you! I think I like word count constraints because I don’t feel confident writing longer pieces. I have even limited myself to 50 words for the prose part of the Monday haibun for no special reason except to keep pruning out superfluous text. “Droning on” is also a good way to write and I can see how it could be very appealing to a reader which is what all of this is about–making readers (if only ourselves) glad they read the poem.

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    1. I’m glad you liked it. The form adds some technical constraints which force revisions until the constraints are met. Hopefully those revisions make a better poem. I also like the 44 word count constraint in the Monday quadrilles.

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  11. “That Sun has straight up hammered her tonight.”

    I’ve always enjoyed picturing the Sun and Moon being in love but unable to really get to each other. So I like you breaking the rules and having her get “hammered” by him like this, even if just once. 🙂

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    1. I almost left that word out because I wondered if the negative connotations would override the positive ones. Then I thought about it from a radiation perspective and I figured the word fit well enough to risk any objections. I am now glad it was on the list of words to use. Thanks for your comment!

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    1. Thank you! Sometimes a rhyme word pops into place. Other times I look for possibilities on rhymezone.com or rewrite the sentences entirely to get a rhyme word that is easier to work with. Hopefully all that work keeps the reader interested and enhances the message in the poem.

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  14. This is a great poem. I loved the “some tipsy proof from darkness comes tomorrow” line. Thanks for sharing. I have a poetry blog here on WordPress and today’s poem is about the moon in case you have time to look? Lunar greetings! Sam 🙂

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