In my mountainous castle well hidden away
There’s my beast getting restless for lightness of day
And the blood that I seek must be innocent, sweet,
So delight feeds the brain and my rapture’s complete.
How I long that the travelers wandering by
Are so pure that they capture my sensitive eye.
How I long that they tarry so I’ll taste a bite
Of the glory of goodness lost deep in the night.
Ah, look! There’s a traveler coming toward me
To my mountainous castle all lost by the sea,
To the doom that awaits him whose way seems so sure
With a heart pumping love and excessively pure.
He is knocking! Let’s open the door to his death.
He is breathing but soon he will not take a breath
And then at the table aged wine I will drink
And the meat, raw and bloody, may finally stink.
But wait! My hand moves but it can’t free the door.
The traveler turns. He won’t knock anymore!
Have I grown out so ghostly my body has gone?
Have I nothing but fantasies I can put on?
Linked to dVerse Poetics hosted by Kim with the prompt “to write a modern dramatic monologue about a plot to do away with someone (or something)”.
Photo: “Fantasy Forest” by the author. The scene is part of a bonsai forest at the Chicago Botanic Garden.
Nice one! The ending is particularly clever.
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Thank you! I realized right after stanza three that I would have to end this somehow. I’m glad you liked it.
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You’re welcome.
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Marvelous, Frank. I was right there in Transylvania with the Count! You got out of it nicely, though!
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I could see myself walking through the Transylvania forest as well. Luckily I didn’t have to do anything to escape. Thanks, Bev!
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I see that today is “unprompted, free-range day” at Imaginary Garden with Real Toads imagined by Marian. So I will link this poem there as well: http://withrealtoads.blogspot.com/2017/05/the-tuesday-platform.html
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A nice twist, on the vampire tale, Frank. Wonder, what your take would be, on Frankenstein’s monster, by Ms. Shelley.
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I don’t remember what the Frankenstein plot was anymore, but I would attempt to rewrite it as something humorous like the old Fractured Fairy Tales on the Rocky and Bullwinkle show, if you have ever seen those. Thanks, Therisa!
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Count Hubeny thirsts for blood. That’s pretty funny Frank. Don’t eat the innocents, they’re lots harder to find now days. Otherwise you might starve.
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It is even harder finding an innocent climbing the mountains to look for the castle. Thanks, Walter!
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🙂
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The rhythm and rhyme are perfect, Frank, and I love vampire stories. This is a corker! Creepy too:
‘And the blood that I seek must be innocent, sweet,
So delight feeds the brain and my rapture’s complete’.
There’s one stanza that reminds me of Poe:
‘He is knocking! Let’s open the door to his death.
He is breathing but soon he will not take a breath
And then at the table aged wine I will drink
And the meat, raw and bloody, may finally stink’.
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I was going to add on a few more stanzas, but I didn’t want to test any reader’s patience. Thanks for the prompt, Kim!
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Thanks for making it murderous, Frank!
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Poe-esque – (shiver) 🙂
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It is kind of like Poe and the anapestic meter adds to the creepiness (and potential comedy). Thanks!
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Deliciously gruesome! I like your ending on a question mark too 😊
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Thank you, Diana! I was a little worried midway if I could think of a way to end this thing. I am glad you liked how I cut all the potential drama short.
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I love the voice, awaiting the coming of innocent travellers ~ Then the twist in the ending, is so unexpected ~ This is so well done Frank ~
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Thanks, Grace! I am glad you liked ending. I was worried the most about that.
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Had this whole hotel california vibe… poor hungry ghostly beast!
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That beast is kind of sad. Hotel California did cross my mind while writing that. Thanks!
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I love that last stanza, especially.
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I like the last stanza as well. The first four stanzas are only there to set up for the last one, but while writing it I wasn’t sure what would be in that last stanza. Thanks!
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I thought this was excellent, Frank. I enjoyed the rhyming and the content of this creepy piece.
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Thanks, Robbie! I like creepy stuff as long as there’s a happy ending, although whoever was in that castle probably didn’t think it was a happy ending.
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Oh yes… the voice of the vampire waiting is perfect… but alas in the end he’s a sucker…
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The vampire can’t even open a door anymore. Thanks, Björn!
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This is excellent. It’s a classic piece, and you work that rhythm and rhyme scheme so very well.
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Thank you! I am glad you liked the rhythm and rhyme.
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An amazing work!😊
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Thank you! I am glad you liked it.
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This frail minotaur has only the memory of the good old gory days for repast. It’s almost enough, but what lacks is killing.
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Luckily for that traveler his gory days are over. Thanks, Brendan!
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Nothing more frustrating than finding out your bite has ghosted away.
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That’s a good way to put it! Thanks, Paul!
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Aha! Stymied. Bwah hah hah!
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I am glad you liked it, Marian!
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NICE poem…
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Thank you, Jignesh!
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You’re in your element with this one, Frank. You do the prompt justice!
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Thanks, Jane!
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Nice and spooky! Almost felt sorry for him in the end … almost.
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I sort of felt sorry for him in the end as well. I should have offered him a vegetarian pizza as an alternative. Thanks, Rosemary!
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I love this! Reminds me of some tale like Dracula or the like. Love the twist at the end!
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Thanks, Bryan! I wasn’t sure how to end this. I’m glad it worked for you.
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This is incredibly eerie and spooky! Well penned.
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Thank you, Sanaa! It is kind of spooky especially for whomever lived in that castle.
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*Shivers
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Thank you!
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Love the voice. Dark and sinister.
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Thank you, Lynn! At least the sinister darkness was not able to eat the traveler.
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Three Brains..
One Survives..
One Loves..
One Thinks..
One Dies.. Two
Survives.. NoW
oTheRs FeeL DaRk
NiGht oF SoUL..
Flee those.. wHo
Escape.. Fee oF DeaTH..:)
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Thank you, Fred! I like the idea of the dark night of the soul. Your comment makes me want to re-read St. John of the Cross’ poem.
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Thanks.. for the
Lead to another
Work of art..
Off to
Google that too..:)
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Excellent tale, Frank. Mysterious ending!
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Thank you, Sara! I am glad you liked it.
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I like this one, Frank. I had one of those when I was about twelve, a tree house out in the grove. My younger sister found it so I had to share it with her when she wanted. Dad found out she was also using it so he helped me make it stronger and safer. It lasted for years and tears out there. But now the grove and farm place has been taken down and put into cultivation.
..
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The farm house we grew up in as children has also been taken down and now has corn or soybeans growing where it used to stand. I can see why your father would want to make it safer for both of you.
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this is so engrossing!!! like you won;t stop until you finish! and! that clever finale!
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Thanks, Rosema! I realized I was rambling in that anapestic meter. Finally I found a way to end it. I am glad you liked the finale.
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hehe. i did not try this one. not sooo good at anapestic hehe. i do!
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I like this one overall, although I’m not sure why if you wanted the blood to be ‘sweet’ that you would want it to stink. Maybe the rhyme led you to it? Really like the line: ‘Have I nothing but fantasies I can put on’.
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To some extent it is the rhyme although I could easily have chosen different rhyme words. What was going through my mind was that the traveler, while alive, would be innocent and “sweet”, but once dead and on this demon’s table the bloody meat would “stink”. The demon isn’t getting what he really wants by killing the traveler, but this demon isn’t very rational nor perceptive since he just found out that he’s a ghost. Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Ronnie! Should I revise this in the future I will take this into consideration knowing that some readers might have a problem reading this.
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Very well written do check out my two new blog posts about my trip to Barbados would love to know what you think😊
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That was an interesting account of a trip to Barbados, Sana.
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Thanks for reading 😊
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