The End — Collaboration Jeren/Frank

Red in Yellow

This is a collaborative poem using the form “Interlocking Rubáiyát”. The first eight lines, in red, Jeren Nazuto wrote as part of Jilly’s August Casting Bricks Challenge. I added the last eight lines and decided to also link this to dVerse Poetics hosted by Lillian since my half contains the word “shade”.

​The world, burning around me
All the lands and the sea
I weep in streams and rivers
Over the fallen world tree

From the sins, the fire delivers
The earth’s misguided caregivers
And all the pain and suffering
Fueling my body shivers

All this pain I’m here to bring,
My offering, this mindful thing
Obscured by all the shade we’ve made
As cloaks of shadows wrap us, cling.

Who knows where we can turn for aid?
Tomorrow may these fires fade.
May heat with flames and misery
Leave fresh, cool waters where we’ll wade.

Photo: “Red in Yellow” by the author and linked to jansenphoto’s Tuesday Photo Challenge with the theme “Golden”.

Author: Frank Hubeny

I enjoy walking, poetry and short prose as well as taking pictures with my phone.

55 thoughts on “The End — Collaboration Jeren/Frank”

  7. Frank, I am opting NOT to read this for a couple of days since I plan to write a completed version of Jeren’s poem and I don’t want your wonderful way with words to sway me. After I write mine, I’ll stop back and enjoy your talent! I am so glad you are joining in with Casting Bricks again; your poet-voice is essential every time 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No problem! Thanks for the comment, Jilly, and best wishes on your second half to it. I plan to write a second half to your poem, but I am still trying to figure out what to say.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. The initial 2 stanzas are the easiest–they have the first poet’s POV & vibe. It is your part that can be difficult, for you must assess style, pace, vision & match it–which you did seamlessly. Whenever I try one of these, I hog first place; smile.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad you found it seamless. I only wanted to provide a positive ending which did change the tone a bit. I look at these as two separate poems that are similar in structure so that they can be put together as one. Thanks, Glenn!

      Like

  12. I love this:
    “I weep in streams and rivers
    Over the fallen world tree”

    Also this:
    “All this pain I’m here to bring,
    My offering, this mindful thing”

    Liked by 1 person

  13. At least there is hope in these lines. May these fire fade.. Glad you change the scenery and the mood of the poem. The reflection is all that matters..

    Liked by 1 person

  14. “Obscured by all the shade we’ve made
    As cloaks of shadows wrap us, cling.” – I absolutely love these two lines. They are so relatable to me. I especially loved that yuu kept the tone intact, frank. Great work!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. It’s interesting that there is a fair bit of collaborative writing going on, at Jilly’s and at the Toads. I like this poem as a whole and I enjoyed your ‘shade’ stanza, Frank, with the ‘aid’ sounds resonating through both stanzas..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The form required that they rhyme in some way. These are two separate poems on the same topic and could stand alone. Hopefully presented together they benefit each other. Thanks, Kim!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. CoLLaboRatinG PoemS FReE NoW
    LIKE TeXT oN A sMaRT pHOneShare
    MetaPHorUS For Human Success
    Copyrights
    Metaphor
    ‘fore
    Human
    FallNoW
    WiNteR thAw
    ComeS oNline
    FrEEzes Copyright no
    mORe foR All To SeE heHe..
    Copyrights or Not NoW hAha
    SpRinG aRiSes SumMers FReED..
    KinGDoM oF HeaVeN neVer NoW A CopyRight
    iN priSon sAMe FrEE HoRuZioNs evermorenow..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The two parts of the final poem are individually self-contained and the copyright would belong to each individual poet. Together they are only permitted because we agreed to participate in this challenge. I plan to add another poem to Jilly’s challenge this afternoon. Basically I am giving another poet the right to use my first part as a starting point to write their second half. At least, that is how I see this.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. SMiLes.. my FriEnd Frank.. thanks so
        much for the detailed explanation
        of how you and Jilly are ‘legally’
        cooperating in the
        collaboration
        of the written
        words of your poetry..
        the word play i make here
        is a little coded and tongue in
        cheek for the disdain i’ve always
        had for really attempting to own
        anything on the Planet Earth
        attached to the label
        that is issued
        to me
        at Birth
        for the Essence
        of who i am yet to be
        as the evolution of human
        soul continues as me.. the fall now
        of the Ecosystem on the Planet Earth
        stARTed when humans turned the earth
        over and over again and then began storing
        grain like wheat away from the continuous move
        of Hunting and Gathering in Aubundance
        as Mammal Ape omnivores
        will Naturally
        Do.. then
        came words
        as sketched as art
        in sand then collection
        of that art and eventually
        repeatable science that works
        for creature comforts and after then
        eventual cultural byproducts then now
        becoming a Cancer on the Earth accelerating
        the Death of Balance as we know it.. ‘copyright’
        to me personally is the same as storing grains but
        of course my grains are already stored in abundance
        so money
        is no longer
        an object
        of play
        or work.. sure..
        that’s a nice place
        to be my friend but
        yes.. i understand that other place
        of Silo Storing Grain and Copyrights prison.. to me..
        someone could share my soul of what i put in words
        but to actually imitate it would be quite the feat..
        Target Audiences require
        generally what comes
        before..
        Creativity
        is what comes next..
        it’s why poetry is next to impossible
        to sell and a pipe dream at most for folks
        who think they’ll make a living off of it same
        as any school lot next NFL Player.. but it’s a good
        thing for the creativity that usually appeals to smaller
        if any
        target
        audiences
        is what grows
        the individual soul in creativity so much
        larger than silo grain or a copyright alone..
        ‘Trump Towers’ as ‘they’ say ‘big and small’
        empty of souL only
        A form
        oF
        A
        Little man name..
        Life is Fascinating just
        Fascinating and so sad
        and joyful too
        away
        from
        Silo Tower life..:)

        And of course i respect copyright law.
        I approved Government Publications as part of my Government Career.
        I could have been a lawyer; would have been a breeze. Eventually, then I did
        Personnel, Accounting, and Financial Management at work after passing out
        Shoes at a Bowling Center for close to two decades after three college degrees.
        Sure; I was the Manager too but my favorite part was meeting eye to eye with
        others; just for the Joy of ReCreation in the Sport of Bowling I never learned.
        Handing out Soiled shoes my
        friend; getting them
        back;
        the
        best part of
        my life; my Humanity;
        only giving sharing;
        ha! i’m the only
        person in an
        area of ~300K
        LA Lower Alabama
        Panhandle of Florida
        Folks who Dares to Dance
        in Public Close to 8K miles in 4 years coming.
        The only people who really try it are little children.

        The Lesson
        of Handing out shoes
        And getting them back dirty.

        Caring.

        Why would i
        hoard my soul.

        SMiLes..:)

        To each
        hiS owN
        And ReaP
        less and more..:)

        It’s the way of Nature aka God.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Good point, Fred, when you write: “Why would i
          hoard my soul.” There’s no point in hoarding it.
          I also agree with you: “someone could share my soul of what i put in words
          but to actually imitate it would be quite the feat”

          Liked by 1 person

  22. This brought an audible ‘ahhh!” from me – so beautifully executed, Frank! The meter and the enjambment are just perfect. My favorite line: As cloaks of shadows wrap us, cling.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That line went through many revisions. I didn’t want that comma in there, but the meter didn’t allow many syllables and I wanted that “cloaks of shadows”. I am glad you liked it, Jilly!

      Liked by 1 person

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