My heart felt peaceful but constrained.
The wind blew over me.
The waves hit hard. The land complained.
I wanted to be free.
Eventually through darkened night
The waves revised their song.
I assumed it’s now all right
Though some say it’s still wrong.
Text: Linked to dVerse Quadrille. De Jackson here (WhimsyGizmo) is hosting and the word is “free”. For what it’s worth, I don’t understand the poem I wrote. I just thought it had a nice enough sound, but I might be wrong.
Photo: “Windy Lake Michigan” by the author.
Frank, I absolutely loved hearing this, as well as reading it (ALL poetry is meant to be read aloud, really).
My favorite:
“Eventually through darkened night
The waves revised their song.” — I have friends and family in Florida, and am happy to hear that damages weren’t nearly as bad as predicted, so far.
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That is what I’ve heard about damages as well. Florida was better prepared than I thought it would be. I am glad you liked the audio, De!
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What is wrong is always wrong. And when the land dries, they will build again, in the same place, the same way.
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When the damage is done, it is done. Hopefully the future enhances on the past. Thank you, Annell!
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Love your thought… about the sound of the poem… still I feel that you have touched something of being free but maybe in the end we seek a prison.
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We might seek a prison. We do seek enough safety to exercise the kind of activities we want to perform. Freedom is relative. I am glad you liked the sound of the poem, Björn!
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I like the plaintiff tone of your poem and it was good to be able to hear it, as well as read it on the page.
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Oops, meant to write “plaintive”!
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I like reading what I write unless it is a one-liner or a very short comment. It forces me to review the writing one last time. There is a plaintive tone in this. Thanks, Diana!
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A beautiful quadrille in the rhythm of the waves and I love how they ‘revised their song’
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Thank you, Xenia! I am glad you liked that metaphor.
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Excellent work again, Frank, with these tetrameter/trimeter lines.
I’m not sure whether it should be ‘assumed’ or ‘assume’ in the penultimate line. I heard you say (not say?) a comma after ‘all right’. Not sure if you want or need it though.
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Good point about “assume” or “assumed”. I originally had “assume” and then changed it to the past tense just before making the audio to make it look as if I am now also questioning my previous assumption. I was hoping to add deeper doubt perhaps because I am also in some doubt right now about what I wanted the poem to say.
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Fabulous lines, Frank:
‘Eventually through darkened night
The waves revised their song.
I assumed it’s now all right
Though some say it’s still wrong.’
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Thank you, Kim! Those lines ending in song and wrong were the main reason I thought the poem sounded good enough to post.
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Some juxtaposition here that prompts thinking about. Peace with constraint. Complaint with freedom. Right with wrong. Good stuff Frank.
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Thanks, Paul! We need all that conflicting juxtaposition so the challenges motivate us to find something new.
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True.
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Great quadrille. Love the rhyme in this. My favorite: “eventually through darkened night the waves revised their song.”
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Thank you, Lynn! I was hoping to personify the waves.
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Very apt poem in light of Irma and Jose. The concept of waves revising their song is lovely 🙂
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Thank you, Vivian! I am glad you liked the idea of waves revising their song.
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Very nice, i especially liked that first stanza. Maybe you will rework this into a larger poem one day if the mood strikes you. I found it intriguing.
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Yes, this would be one draft of a possible future version of this poem should I put it in a collection. Thank you!
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You share such feeling here, and the lake is a living, emotional, passionate being. I especially like “the land complained.”
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I like personifying parts of reality that are not normally viewed as conscious to suggest there is more consciousness going on than we might imagine is possible. Thank you!
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A timely poem, Frank, written and spoken beautifully.
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Thank you, Sara! The hurricanes are one example of waves constraining someone.
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Thanks Frank – I too enjoyed listening to your recitation – nice rhyme linking the two stanzas – free/eventually. Am amazed at how much gets compressed into these scant 44 words. Cheers.
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A lot can be compressed in 44 words. I think one only needs about 20 words to write a good poem. Thanks, Peter!
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I’m curious to know how the waves revised rheir song.. lovely take Frank. 😊
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As I think I saw it, the waves would calm down and the song would become gentler. This does involve a personification of the water so it can “sing” which might not be true of water but might be true in some other context. Thanks, Maria!
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You mention being constrained in the first stanza – wanting to be free. The second stanza makes me think you are not free after all – and you’ve settled… Best I could do 🙂
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Freedom isn’t absolute. We do have the ability to make limited choices which sometimes don’t seem like much of a choice, but each choice does introduce something new into reality that did not have to be there. I don’t really know what I was thinking when I wrote this anymore. Thanks, Margaret!
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Thank you for the picture of my Lake, Frank! Perhaps your poems simply channels what we in FL experienced last night, or perhaps that is my most prominent filter at the moment. Love this poem!
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I did have the hurricanes in mind, but it wasn’t exclusively about them. The crashing waves were a sense of oppressive constraints that needed to be ameliorated with a revised song which eventually is sung. I am glad you liked this and the reminder of Lake Michigan, Jilly!
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An intriguing verse. Well done.
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Thank you!
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I enjoyed hearing this read. I dont even know about sound cloud. It’s a great poem. Does poetry have to make sense? Everyone gets something different out of it anyways, like art.
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I don’t think it needs to make sense. The sound can carry it along with hints that it could mean something of value. It is true that the art or poem only becomes real when another person subjectively experiences it. It is not on the page nor in some memory storage. However, when a reader does not understand what a poem means that could also feel like verbal abuse to the reader. That sense of abuse is what I want to avoid. Thanks, Mary!
SoundCloud is one place to post audio recordings like a blog post. I think one could store these recordings on WordPress as well, although I’ve never done this. Eventually the initial space that is free runs out and one has to purchase an upgrade.
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I have friends in Florida and I finally heard from them tonight, They are ok, one lost her roof, but it is repairable.
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It looks like the damage is not as severe as expected. I guess we will know by the end of this week. Thanks, Truedessa!
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Sometimes we don’t have to fully understand a poem–ours or another author’s–we can just “feel” it. I like the sound and feel of this one 🙂
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I liked the sound as well. Perhaps a bit of ambiguity helps. Thank you!
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Yes! 🙂
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Deceptively simple! I enjoyed hearing your voice. You reminded me that freedom is not straightforward.
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I suspect the choices we make with our freedom are what counts. I am glad you liked the recording, Sarah!
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you’ve mastered complex simplicity Frank – favourite line
“The waves hit hard. The land complained.”
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Thank you, Laura! I try to make these simple to understand and hope some depth emerges.
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Nice way of putting it
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Beautiful sound and stunning rhyme and rhythm. Flowed through my brain like honey.
And the sentiment behind your words is heartfelt
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Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed the sound and sentiment and that it flowed like honey.
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Great poem Frank,
I like deep poems, and you have a gift to say a lot of things with couple words
Thank you
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Thank you, Ben! I’m glad you enjoyed this.
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Frank, for me this poem is full of feeling and intuition…perhaps not fully knowing our meanings is a good thing…
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Sometimes it is not a good thing as you mentioned. Then I fall back on the sound of the poem and hope it guides to a good destination. Thank you, Janice!
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“The waves revised their song”
Yes. I vacationed at Lake Michigan this summer and there is a wondrous sense of freedom on the shore, on the brink of land and sea.
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The parks and beaches along Lake Michigan in Chicago are beautiful. Thank you!
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“The waves hit hard. The land complained.”
LOVE the sense of this line…..imagine that sand being slapped over and over again! Great natural imagery here.
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The waves can get rough although not what I imagine the waves were like that those hurricanes caused. Thanks, Lillian!
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It does have a nice sound! and ambiguity is always OK in my book. (K)
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I don’t mind the ambiguity. I don’t want it to confuse a reader. Thank you!
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Not confusing at all.
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This is a very accurate depiction, Frank.
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Yes, I guess it is less ambiguous than I imagined yesterday. Thanks, Robbie!
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It may be in the eyes of the reader. When I read this [I thought] I understood exactly what you were saying.
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Thought provoking. Well written.
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Thank you!
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It has a lovely rhythm to it, with the turning of the waves.
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Thanks, Andrea! I try to make the sound work even if the sense doesn’t. I am glad you liked it.
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I think the first stanza describes the human situation. Even in the midst of contentment or happiness, there is still that little bothersome voice that says that something is still missing somehow. My two cents. 🙂
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It could be that bothersome voices that raises those doubts. Thank makes sense. Thanks, Imelda!
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Reblogged this on From 1 Blogger 2 Another.
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Thank you!
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Before i went to hell..
i visited purgatory in
a new office job for a day
Saving Grace Navy Station on Beach
reneWed
by salt
air sun
and sugar
white dunes
on lunch break
waves of life flow
infused come back
life out of fear again..
Life Long Milestone
then
always
now
be beach
iLife now..:)
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I am glad you made it out of hell. Thank you, Fred!
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Hehe..
Me too.;)
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For whatever reason, I do loved this poem, Frank. The last two lines made me think about the flip. ❤
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I am glad you liked this, Olga! I’m not certain what it means anymore, but I still like the sound. The last two lines did a sort of “flip”. Thank you!
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Life can be a challenge. Many inconsistencies with one’s own reality. I get confused in my own way. I just wrote a poem where someone saw more than I did. Interesting!
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Sometimes inconsistencies are the door to better understanding. We just haven’t found a way to open the door yet.
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Since you said that you were not sure what your poem meant, I tried to analyze it for you. This is what I came up with.
You are relaxed, but you are holding something back.
You are outdoors feeling a gusty wind, maybe a storm.
You are on the coast in hurricane Irma. Branches breaking off trees and telephone lines coming down.
You hope that you would survive.
You are in the eye of the storm now
The ocean has settled down a bit.
There is hope for survival
Oops, maybe not.
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That is rather close to what was going through my mind. Especially the “Oops” part.
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Enjoyed reading your mini poems. I interpreted it something as ‘A person is said to be peaceful if he loves what he’s doing or does nothing at all’
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I think that would work as an interpretation. When I wrote it I had something in mind I wanted to communicate, but then I lost what it was. I thought the sound of the poem was still OK. Thank you, Aparna!
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i can imagine all of it.. maybe you can read my blogs too..sometimes.. 🙂
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Thank you!
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Comeon check out my latest stuff. I bought some shoes into my collection and follow me for more updates..👍👍
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Best wishes on your blog.
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