Although day does its best to delight
In the darkness my mind can escape
With the Sun giving rest to the night
Like a dream while the stars stay awake
When its setting is done
Retains full mystery
And the night turns to fun
And whatever may be
Then the Sun knows what’s done was done right.
Of the love that was done for its sake.
Text: Linked to dVerse Meeting the Bar where Paul is hosting featuring the form Contrapuntal Poetry. Here the limerick about the day hopefully adds counterpoint to the italicized one about the night.
Photos: “Maple Leaves in the Sun”, above, and “Calm Afternoon Waiting for Rain”, below.
What I love about this verse, is the intensity with your voice reading. It transforms into something else, and I think for the better with sound. It seems again, to reinforce that poetry is superior with being spoken. Very nice, Frank, and I love the intensity you bring to this.
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Thank you, Jane! I made the audio because I realized I was saying this silently to myself in different ways than I thought I intended it and I wanted to make sure it was clear although I’m not sure what it all means. I’m glad you liked the audio version.
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I liked it very much, Frank. It proves the bards were right!
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Frank, you do the meter so well – make it look effortless. Brilliant!
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Thank you, Jilly! I am glad you like the meter.
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I love that we can sleep and not have to worry about the mystery going on. A beautiful job Frank!
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We have to trust it. I am glad you liked this. Thank you, Mary!
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kaykuala
With the Sun giving rest to the night
Then the Sun knows what’s done was done right
It gives a nice feeling, Frank! Very innovative to be done with limericks!
Hank
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I am glad it gives you a nice feeling. Thank you, Hank!
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you!
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Really good Frank. I esp like this combination “With the Sun giving rest to the night Like a dream while the stars stay awake”
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I am glad you liked those lines. Thank you!
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There is something so deceptively clever here. And it’s more than just trying to format according to the WP’s ideas and limitations.
Each poem is simple, deceptively so, almost and yet letting it soak in, one begins to be teased by its depths. Then combine the two – and it reveals even more depth, for the simplicity. So even if the meter offers a rather “lighter feel” this offers us a zen like quality, of a frolicsome nature.
Great job with it Frank.
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I am glad this offered a zen-like quality. Thank you!
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A wistful counterpoint of day and night, Frank, which has echoes of William Blake in the rhyme scheme and the imagery of the sun resting, the stars and the mystery.
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Thank you, Kim! I wasn’t sure how to do the counterpoint. I am glad you liked this.
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Great work Frank,
there is something magical in the shift day into night, because it is natural process with contradictions, we need light to replace night and vice versa. They are two poles of the same whole.Everything comes in pair in the nature
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We need both light and night. Thank you, Ben!
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Both of these poems are satisfying, Frank and you make the rhythm give a feeling of gravity rather than frivolity.
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Limericks are rather frivolous. I did intend more gravity with these. Thank you, Jane!
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You got it 🙂
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I really love how you used the limerick form and made it into something less lighthearted…. would love to hear you read it as a merged one
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I wasn’t sure how to merge it, but I would try to use two voices in the audio. Thank you, Bjorn!
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I wonder if it was possible to merge them with every line alternating… at least that would be an interesting form
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That might make it more in line with what I think Paul means by counterpoint poems based on the examples I see.
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I love the final line. There’s such a feeling of gratitude in this poem.
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There is gratitude here. Thank you, Amaya!
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Hi Frank. The two poems are wonderful. To create the contrapuntal you could read line one from poem one followed by line one from poem two…line two from one, line two from two and so on….it’s not clear with the format above but as many have pointed out WordPress makes format difficult. Italics of brackets might work.
To write it you could do this:
Although day does its best to delight
(In the darkness my mind can escape)
With the Sun giving rest to the night
(Like a dream while the stars stay awake)
When its setting is done
(And whatever may be)
And the night turns to fun
(Retains full mystery)
Then the Sun knows what’s done was done right.
(Of the love that was done for its sake.)
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I’ve reformatted it.
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Nice way to make three different melodies here. You have such a good way with rhyming! 🙂 Loved them…all three.
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Thank you, Lillian!
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The sun never fails to show up and do his duty. I love the woven result.
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I am glad you liked the woven result. Thank you, Vivian!
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MiDNiGHT
Colors
Siestas
AfterNoon DeLiGHT..:)
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Delight all the time. Thank you, Fred!
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Yes.. Night
Day NoW
WitH
SMiLes..:)
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Yes, “love for its own sake.” That sound right, and for no other reason.
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It is likely best for its own sake. Thank you, Annell!
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Frank I’m enjoying the rhythm of your rhymes lately; a spring in your step!
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I am glad this puts a spring in your step. Thank you, Elizabeth!
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How lovely, with a smooth flow. I did not attempt this prompt, but admire everyone who did.
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I can’t get to all the prompts either. I am glad you liked the flow. Thanks, Sara!
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I really like the contrast presented in this poem, Frank.
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I was hoping that contrast would add to the counterpoint constraint. Thank you, Robbie!
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I love the fluttering of the mind – enjoyed this poem.
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Thank you!
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